All Blacks will win the Rugby World Cup

All Blacks will win the world cup..

Now before SA Home Affairs threatens to revoke my citizenship and try to take the Green Mamba off me, or you think I have been drinking too many trim latte’s in Ponsonby lately (I had the MEANEST hot chocolate at Duke Carvell’s in Wellington the other day, by the way… http://www.dukecarvells.co.nz/ The barista’s facial hair’s a bit dodgy though, don’t say I didn’t warn you…), let me rephrase that:

The All Blacks will win the world cup….. That’s IF any 1 of the following happens over the next few months. And if or when all of these actually become true, I’d start running if I were you!!

1) The Stormers win the Super XV – Let’s face it.. It ain’t gonna happen! After finally reaching the final (after what seemed like 900 fruitless previous attempts) in 2010, I’m sure the hype coming out of Cape Town will make us wanna believe that “this is our year! This is the year we finally go one step further and win it!!!” There’s only 1 other team that has managed to break my heart as many times (please refer to point nr 3) as WP or the Stormers over the last 20 years, so it’s probably about time I’m honest.. For me, it’s a case of history repeating itself – The Stormers were “ok” in 2008 and the season was seen as “a success” after they only narrowly missed out on a semi final spot behind the Hurricanes. In 2009 we all expected them to kick on and go further, but they were shocking and after an abysmal start (3 losses from the opening 4 games) their season was already over before the season reached the halfway mark.
Last year they played some fantastic rugby (especially in New Zealand against the Blues and the Chiefs) but I just have a pretty uneasy feeling about this season, sorry. For me there are just a few things that “don’t seem right”. The injury of Tiaan Liebenberg is a major blow – I just don’t know how good our backup to Deon Fourie is, sorry... I also don’t like the fact that Bash is still eating sushi in Japan, and nobody can really tell me when he’ll be back. He was one of the unsung heroes in the team last year. His place kicking was superb; he managed to get the backs away nicely. I know pre season games count for NOTHING, but why do I also get a feeling that we looked sharper 12 months ago?? And don’t even get me started on starting the competition with a *&&%# bye this weekend!!
Also, remember: the Chiefs were losing finalists in 2009 and were waaaay off the pace in 2010..

2) Tommy Smyth (“with a Y!!”) and Shaka Hislop agree on something/ doesn’t have a raging argument during an episode of ESPN Soccernet Presspass - It’s a bit like a car crash – No matter how bad it is, you just can’t help yourself you to have a peek.. Same with Soccernet Presspass: There’s just something “wrong” about watching a show produced by Americans about soccer/football, but to hear Tommy letting rip into Shaka a few times a week is pure gold!
I just can’t help to tune in every night at 21h00… Yes Shaka, West Ham will be “right up there at the end of the season!”

3) The Proteas play in the final of the cricket world cup – I wanted to say “win world cup”, but that’s a bit rich if you consider we’ve never ever featured in a final since readmission in 1992, so I’m prepared to take baby steps… 1992 it was “22 runs off 1 ball”, in 1996 we were unbeaten in pool play, only to come unstuck against the Windies in the quarter final. 1999 @Hershybru famously “dropped the world cup” and Klusener and Donald decided to take running between the wickets lessons from Susan Boyle.. 2003 Polly read the Duckworth Lewis sheet wrong and 2007 Australia absolutely smashed us in the semi’s (after we lost to Bangladesh in pool game!!). So why will 2011 be any different??

4) Chelsea finishes 5th in the Premier League and misses out on Champions League spot – now this one I will REALLY enjoy. Wouldn’t it be somewhat ironic if Klit Torres misses out on playing in the UEFA Champions League with his “big club” next season, after leaving Liverpool for that exact same reason and wanting “to play on the highest level” possible? Suddenly I find myself cheering madly for Spurs… Take that 4th spot! Please!!! mmmm… wonder if Torres will be going out on loan to Bolton next season to join Sturridge?

5) Andy Murray wins Wimbledon – Can you imagine the post-match scenes of jubilation on Henman Hill (sorry, Mount Murray)?? The last time a Brit won Wimbledon was Fred Perry in 1936, so it’s fair to say it’s been a while… Sheez, even WP has won the Currie Cup since then!! I can already see the newspaper headlines if Murray does take the prize… It’ll be “Our Andy!” or “Magnificent Murray mesmerizes” everywhere. But should the poor guy cock it up (again), be sure to expect “Sad Scot stumbles at SW19” (relax Gordon Brown.. no one saw you leave the VIP lounge with its free booze..)

6) Lance Armstrong gets convicted for doping – It seems like these days not a month go by where Floyd Landis is not accusing Lance and other former US Postal riders of doping and the evidence against him seems to be piling up by the minute. Still, if he hasn’t been done by now, surely it’ll never happen?

7) P Divvy decides it's time to stop thinking he is SA’s hottest part time standup comedian and reverts to dropping the Bible stories from his interviews and concentrates purely on rugby -zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz Ok, what was I thinking? This will never happen while this joker is in charge of the Springboks! (Pieter, for the record, unlike Craig Dowd or Brendon Cannon I don’t have any money, so save yourself the trouble by trying to sue me for talking kak about you, ok)

8) The Black Caps win a test match – They recently managed to make it to the 5th day of the second test against Pakistan, so I had to be reasonable and change it from “making it to day 5 of a test match”, to “actually winning one”. The last time they won a test match, against decent opposition that is, was against England in Hamilton during 2008. But still Scott Styris and co wants to remind everyone at the World Cup “they can beat any team on the day”. Pig, you’re a bit like the Bulls of 2001.. You can’t beat anybody at the moment.. (For the record: I think Zimbabwe are going to klap you at this World Cup)

9) Earl Rose makes a tackle while playing for Griekwas in the Vodacom Cup – I see Earl the Pearl has swapped his super snazzy digs in Jozi for a stint with Griekwas in Kimberley. Not sure if super coach Pieter will be too happy with firstly John Mitchell cutting him from the Lions setup, and now Naka also telling him he’s not good enough for the Cheetahs’ super rugby squad this season. Don’t worry Earl – every World Cup squad has a bolter selection.. You can be the Boks fairytale story, a player who was plucked from Vodacom Cup rugby to play in a World Cup! If that fails, you can always consider your options and move overseas? I’m sure the clubs are queuing up big time to land your signature…

10) Steven Donald retires from competitive rugby – ‘cause if he is fit, Graham Henry is probably going to stick with Beaver as DC’s backup at 10 for the world cup. And we all know Donald’s the man for the big moment with heaps of BMT! He’ll slot that crucial penalty in injury time, or kick the ball out to secure victory…

Cheersie
Pik the Oktoberpuss ( i was born in October. You see what I did there?)